TODAY

Today I feel rejected, abandoned 

The old feelings insidiously arising in cold bones 

Cold from trying to find acceptance 

Lying on a discarded heap.

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I cannot tell why these wretched waifs suddenly appear,

Does the cold blowing rain bring them? 

The absence of sun and dullness of day...

A cross word in response to a request 

Frustrations tipped onto an already overloaded emotion.

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I cannot know why but they do. 

And when they come it is if a maelstrom arrives 

Burying me back deep under where I cannot be found.

Where I cannot find me.

For the world remains silent, watches judging

Accusingly that I cannot sing, dance, laugh and work my way through this life.

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I am swept under...

 

Overwhelmed as a Tsunami hits again and again 

I am lost.  Lost to me. 

Fuck the world...  

F*** the others who like ostriches bury their heads in the sand and exist.

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I was not born to exist 

Not born to survive. 

I was born to Live 

To Thrive 

To feel Deeply 

To Love and Give thoroughly 

To Seek and yet it seems 

Never be found.

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I am the shell, cast upon sands 

Echoing eons past the sounds of earth, sky and sea

Curling round in spirals, 

Never ending song.

Lying, waiting silently 

To be found.

 

 

5th August 2024